What was I thinking?

What a RabbiMommy is thankful for

Thankful for? Is this even proper grammar? Probably not but I am too tired to care too much.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. This means I am turning 35 years old. No longer young. Now I am a thirty something. I remember that show--watching it as a teen. Thinking to myself how boring and yet totally tense and erratic these people's lives were, how they spent so much time searching for meaning and searching for identity. I loved to wtch the show because of my disdain for their lives. They seemed SO old and so messed up. Thinking back I wonder how those characters had time to work or care for their kids with all the drama and angst.

I am so thankful for the lack of drama and angst in my life. For the stability, the meaning and the identity that being a rabbi mommy gives me. My purpose and direction is set for me each and every day--by my kids, by my congregants, by my faith, by my dedication to my own life. High drama is the frantic pace we move in our house when we hear the cat begin to barf on the carpet.

Last night at Temple there was this delightful young man who had Aspergers. He came up on the bima during family services and played a maraca right next to me at he podium and smiled at me. He was 100% comfortable rocking out in front of the congregation--he was pure expression of shabbat peace and love. After services he recited all of the Jewish holidays for me--including Kol ha-moed, Tisha b'av and Shmini atzeret. The Rabbi in me was captivated by him comfort and love of Judaism. The mommy in me was captivated by his smile and his sweet nature. What a gift--to have the chance to meet such a wonderful person who reminds me of this Martin Buber (adapted) quote:

Every person born into this world represents something new, something that never existed before, something original and unique. It is the duty of every person in Israel to know and consider that he is unique in the world in his particular character, and that there has never been someone like him before. For if there had been someone like him before, there would be no need for him to be in the world. Every single person is a new thing in the world and is called upon to fulfill his particularity in the world.

I am grateful for this reality. That each if us has a purpose, each of us is special, each of us is unique. I do not need to suffer, to wonder--why am I here? The reality--I am here. Why ask why? Just live. Just enjoy your life.

35 years old? I thought it would look different. I thought my husband and I would be staying up late having intense conversations about the nature if realty and sex and interfaith issues. Just like they did on thirtysomething back in the ate 1980s. But instead we are too tired to talk. I did not even get to tell him about the delightful young man with Aspergers at services last night. He is going to have to read about it on my blog. 35 years old? I am simply grateful for my family and my career. For my funky little house and my great new boots that fit my calves (I have been searching for years). I am thanksful for what I have accomplished so far. For all the goodness in my life. For the fact that I am too distracted and too damn tired to feel existential angst. I am too consumed and sometimes overwelmed with the basic meaning, purpose and direction of my life too wonder: why am I here?

Happy Giving Thanks!

Shabbat Morning--rethinking shomer shabbat

I grew up shomer shabbat--observing all the rules of Shabbat. No TV. No driving. No spending money. OK--we turned on the lights. My dad was a Reform Rabbi. But by and large we were pretty observant when it came to Shabbat.

I hated it. I felt cut off from the world. No one else in our town was shomer shabbat. Everyone else went to the movies, birthday parties and to the local farmers market and craft fair. The worst part--not being able to watch Saturday morning cartoons. My brother and I would stand outside our neighbor's huge picture window and watch cartoons through the glass. How sad is that? Standing out in the cold in the Pacific North West mist early on a Saturday morning to watch Tom and Jerry? To tell the truth we were also outside because inside was no fun. Dad was at Shul. Mom was tired and stressed. She wanted peace and quiet. We wanted to be entertained. We wanted kid shabbat menucha/Shabbat rest--to veg out in front of the TV.

I have kids now. My husband and I are both rabbis. We have made different choices for our family. No TV during the week but TONS of TV on the weekend and especially on Shabbat. I cannot tell you the bliss I feel (on the rare Shabbat morning that I am not working) when my 7 year old is watching Sponge Bob in the basement and I am sleeping and resting and reading in bed. My husband can read the paper and sip coffee. The baby plays quietly on the floor. The house is quiet. Everyone is content. We are relaxed. I can reflect on how much I love my family, my congregation and my life. I can give thanks for all of my blessings.

We need to rethink Shabbat. We need to create Shabbat traditions for our families that work for contemporary Jews. We need to keep Shabbat and protect Shabbat. This means making Shabbat rest relevant and meaningful in our lives. According to our creation story Shabbat was built into the foundations of creation. It is as essential as the sun and moon, oceans and plants. Bereshit/Genesis teaches us that on the 7th day God took a deep breath and rested. This is what we need to do--rest. Just rest. Figure out what that means for you and do it-rest!

I want Shabbat. I need Shabbat. Being shomer shabbat in the traditional ways is not an option for us. It would make me crazy. And that is the last thing our world needs--a crazy Rabbi Mommy.